OJ caught masturbating may cause parole trouble and blindness

Dailymail.com reports that OJ Simpson's parole may be denied after he was caught masturbating in his Nevada prison cell. He was caught in the act by a female corrections officer, a prison official told the online news organization.

Masturbating is strictly forbidden in U.S. federal prisons where only mental masturbation is permitted, and then only with consensual thoughts of both fantasy parties.

"OJ [Orenthal James Simpson] is facing a disciplinary hearing after being written up for masturbating in his prison cell," said the source. "He was caught by a female corrections officer making her normal rounds in late June."

Dailymail.com confirmed with Lovelock Correctional Center [you cannot make this name up for this story] that it employs female corrections officers, some of whom can be, shall we say, very inspiring.

When "The Juice" goes in front of the Nevada Department of Corrections Parole Board on Thursday, he still will not have faced the disciplinary hearing for the sinful act of self-pleasuring, and the source says that this could pose a problem for him.

"While it's not the most serious charge to be written up for in prison [which might just be murder], it's serious enough that any potential parole date may be delayed or his parole denied altogether," the source added. 

Simpson has served not even 9 years of a 33-year sentence for a 2008 conviction for kidnapping and robbery when he and his moron buddies confronted a pair of memorabilia dealers with many of his souvenirs. The incident took place at the Palace State Hotel and Casino on September 13, 2007.

It's a good bet that OJ will be granted parole--after all, he's a Heisman Trophy winner--you can't keep a guy that great in prison forever. 

And the show will be televised!

One of Simpson's victims in the case, Bruce Fromong, is expected to testify in favor of his release after being promised by OJ that he won't come after him and cut his throat if he says nice things about him.

Simpson will appear remotely from Lovelock (coincidentally, that's the name of the move he put on himself) in front of the four-member parole board in Carson City, Nevada at 1:00 p.m.

Even the former DA who prosecuted OJ believes he has served his time, according to the New York Post. 

Come on--you don't expect a guy who's now 70, to spend the rest of his life in jail just for kidnapping someone at gunpoint and stealing his things. The guy's a Heisman Trophy winner.

OJ was not convicted in the murder case of Nicole Brown Simpson, his ex-wife who he undoubtedly killed along with Ron Goldman and got away with it because the prosecuting team was too busy with their own 'Love-locking' with each other to get a conviction.

And let's not forget, the guy's a Heisman Trophy winner. 

But we love our heroes and they will very likely let him go. Fortunately for society, he's pretty stupid and may find his way back behind bars.

Will there be a book deal on OJ's horizon? If so, I hope they call it: "Cut and Run."


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