Iran to fire off new rocket, Obama to fire off new words

Now that Iran has some spending money, thanks to the nuclear deal that unlocked over $100 billion, they are getting ready to launch a newly developed long-range rocket into outer space.

The missile is known as a Simorgh, first flown in 2010 and unveiled by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (aka "Rat Faced Holocaust Denier"). 

The rocket is 89 feet long and weighs 85 tons. Its first stage has four engines, each generating 64 thousand pounds of thrust with a fifth engine used for attitude control, providing 30 thousand pounds of thrust. Liftoff thrust will generate 290 thousand pounds of thrust. The rocket is capable of putting a 130 pound payload into low Earth orbit (a little over 300 miles) but this new rocket may have greater payload capabilities.

At this time, the rocket is being fueled at an undisclosed location but with gas prices so low, and with the money they now have, they probably won't need to go to Costco.

Sources told Fox News they haven't seen this specific type of vehicle launched in the past, but earlier launches used a similar rocket of the Shahab-4 type. (Shahab is Urdu for "Faster than a flaming camel on crack.")

If the new Simorgh is different from those that came before, Iran would be in violation of the UN Security Council resolution 2231 forbidding new development and would be in big trouble. Sources close to our administration said that should this be the case, President Obama is prepared to say things that he has never quite said before.

But a senior Revolutionary Guard commander snubbed his nose at the UN saying that Iran's ballistic missile program will Shahab-4,move forward and the world can, and will, go to hell, Inshallah.

The frightened U.S. State Department in a secret email sent on an unsecured server said the launches were not in violation of the nuclear deal, but were "inconsistent" with the UN Security Council resolution. 

Secretary of State John Kerry raised his eyebrows along with concerns in a phone call with his Iranian counterpart. Kerry asked if the writing on the rocket "Israel must be wiped off the Earth" was graffiti, or did they really mean it this time. His counterpart, being a box of rocks, did not respond nor reply to the question. 

Make no mistake, cherished readers, these missiles are capable of carrying nuclear warheads and Iran does not play well with others. Allowing Iran access to billions of dollars is a recipe for disaster without Mrs. Kerry's Heinz ketchup. It is just another example of how incompetent or perhaps seditious, the Obama administration is.




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