Wednesday, November 4, 2015

When knives are outlawed, only--you know

Illegal cutlery, the real problem 
A suspect went on a stabbing spree at the University of California, Merced and stabbed 5 people with an unlicensed knife.

"He had an illegal knife, we had legal handguns and took him out," said Sgt. Lester Drivelmore," of the Merced PD. "We didn't care if he was white, black, purple, gay, straight, Christian, Muslim, Jew or Jain. We did what we had to do to stop him from stabbing others," Drivelmore added. "And we'd do it again."

Two of the victims were taken by chopper to hospitals for treatment of their wounds, Pat Dellaraccatakkapoulis said. Pat is a spokesperson for the school and was visibly upset when speaking to reporters.

Three of the remaining victims were treated locally and all are expected to recover.

One student who didn't want to give his or her name due to the fact he or she was cutting class said he or she knew something was wrong when he or she heard a gunshot. "I was like, you know, listening to some Beiber when I hear this gunshot. It just went BANG! and I freaked. It was like, how can I say . . . scary, but cops got here fast and so did other first responders. Look, I better go--I got sociology in five minutes."

But before he or she left this reporter he or she said: "You see this kinda stuff all over the news and stuff, and you see it happen to all those other schools, but you don't ever expect that kinda crap to happen at your school, right? No way."

The stabbing spree occurred at around 8 a.m. local time in the Classroom and Office Building, according to KCRA.com.

The suspect, whose name was not released, was reportedly apprehended and is scheduled to be charged with a nonviolent crime and released by the Obama administration in the near future. Other reports (particularly by Fox News) say that the suspect was killed by police, and this just goes to show how confusing and crazy the media can be when a man with a knife go on a stabbing spree rather than a spree involving a gun.

Joe Cutter a spokesman for the NKA said, "It's very obvious that this was a knife illegally obtained by the deranged perpetrator. We don't condone illegal knives anymore than the AAA condones illegal automobiles. When knives are outlawed, only outlaws will drive illegal automobiles with illegal knives at their side."

Mr. Cutter will be appearing on "Hannity"a to discuss responsible knife ownership to Sean, who says that he has been using knives since he was 12 and is quite adept at the art.


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