Monday, September 29, 2014

This Just In

Afghan President Ashraf Ghani Ahmadzai will likely sign a security agreement with the U.S. tomorrow to leave American troops in their beleaguered country past the end of the year, according to Fox News.

A senior Defense Department spokesperson told Fox News that approximately 9802 give or take a dozen or so, will stay behind to protect the behinds of this junkyard country (my apologies to those Afghans who find that term offensive, and if they do, then perhaps they should return to their desert paradise).

John Podesta, a senior adviser to the president who refuses to take advice from his advisers, will be signing the deal. This was announced after Ashraf Ghani Ahmadzai was sworn in on Monday. Ahmadzai (pronounced "Mohammed") took the country's camel reigns and replaced Hamid Karzai, by beating Abdullah Abdullah (whose mother had no imagination) in the recent election.

In Ahmadzai's first speech, he called upon the Taliban to put down their weapons, smile, join hands with the nice Afghans and sign Kumbayah. The Taliban responded by beheading a camel and singing the Allahu Akbar song. The head of the Taliban, whose name escapes Chuck Hagel, swore to Allah that he will rid the country of all "nicer people."


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