Saturday, January 25, 2014

Mall Control: the case for banning them all

There was yet another mall shooting in the Columbia, Maryland. Like the mall shooting in Kenya, the mall shooting in New Jersey, this shooting left people scrambling for cover, but three people were left dead; one very likely being the shooter. Two of the dead were store employees, a man and woman, both in their twenties, and at this writing, the identity of the shooter is still unknown. In addition, one other person was wounded by gunfire and four others were hospitalized in the ordeal.

If this doesn't tell you under no uncertain terms that mall control is needed in this country, I don't know what will. 

First we have to analyze what is a mall. 

A mall is a place where people gather, often on weekends, often to purchase things they probably don't really need. Large malls can accomodate thousands of people at any given time, which makes them a target-rich environment. Thus, if not properly treated, malls are a very dangerous place to be at any given time, but especially on weekends.

Malls have food courts but the food is more often than not, unhealthy and a leading cause to adipose tissue. The competition between the various food vendors is high and many vendors give out free samples to the peripatetic crowd who may be in search of the right sweater or Victoria's Secret undergarment that is sure to make a hit with the hubby or whoever is the lucky duck it was intended to impress. Of course, with the fatty foods available, by the time the customer gets home with the merchandise, it probably won't fit.

Malls are generally boring. If you've seen one, you've seen them all. How many A&Ws, Aunty Anne's Pretzels, Macys or Targets do you need to visit before you realize that you're wasting precious moments of your life--moments you will never get back?


Finally, malls are incredibly dangerous places because of the sheer number of people who frequent them. The Islamic terrorist/jihadist gunmen in Kenya killed 67 people and wounded scores more. For them, it was like shooting fish in a barrel until the police finally came and the fish started shooting back. Terrorists don't like it when their victims are not powerless.

I say we must ban malls. Knock 'em all down and let's go back to the Mom and Pop stores. Mom and Pop were put out of business by these gargantuan and personally, I miss those cute old folks. 

I know the left is going to make its tired case for gun control, as if people who would go into a public place and start shooting people would obey the law that would keep him from getting an illegal gun to do it. Gun control doesn't work. Ban malls. That ought to do it--undoubtedly, it will stop mall violence.

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